When we’re challenged, undermined or harassed, our autoresponse is to freeze: to go silent. Shut down.
Some women don’t freeze when the stakes are high but freeze in the most innocuous of situations. Some find themselves speechless, powerless mere moments after they felt invincible. Some get talked over and ignored, wondering if they’ve said something stupid or embarrassing.
But the Freeze is NOT your own personal weakness. It’s a social hangover caused by millennia of Good Girl conditioning.
And the good news is, whether it happens at work, over the dinner table, or on a Zoom call: You can break the Freeze and get your power back.
Verbal Self-Defense
Victories
Recent students have had huge victories using the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo to break the Freeze and access their power:
- C refused to acquiesce in a high-stakes medical situation, keeping her attention out and standing her ground until she got the tests and answers she wanted.
- J lovingly called out a friend for their racist remarks and changed the dynamic of the relationship forever for the better.
- T batted away a man’s intrusive and inappropriate questions on an online first date, leaving him rather than her squirming with regret.
“Last time I dated, I was pushed into things I didn’t want, and I wanted to be sure I could protect myself this time — but I didn’t know how. I practised my new Dojo skills on Tinder — and went from a nervous, “So... do you find this an effective thing to say to women?” to welcoming inappropriate comments, because I could PLAY with them. Now I only answer the questions I want to answer. And I can use those skills everywhere."
"When I met my partner, I told him I was hard to offend, and that led to some intense conversations before we even met. That openness was only possible because I knew I could protect myself whenever I wanted to. I am now in the best relationship of my life.”
— Anonymous
Bullying. Bulldozing. Dismissing.
Minimizing...
Learn how to play when you don’t know what to say.
This is not a physical self-defense class. This course will teach you verbal self-defense for the moments you find yourself under sudden attack, pinned, put on the spot and shut down by someone’s words.
The common theme in these scenarios is dominant versus submissive states of attention.
And when we’re able to quickly identify these states, they lose their power over us. At The Academy, we call this making the invisible visible.
Verbal Self-Defense Dojo is the first and only course to teach women how to get into the dominant state of attention without appearing aggressive or shutting down.
Learn to fight back with powerful tools to switch the dynamic and re-establish a dominant state of power in everything from job interviews to family conflicts.
Over 1600 women worldwide have trained with us so far, using the Dojo tools to break the Freeze and access their power.
“The Verbal Self-Defense Dojo had a powerful and immediate impact on my ability to navigate both professional and personal situations. I work in engineering where there are always more men in the room and many of them use aggressive tactics to dominate the conversations. The techniques I learned through VSDD helped me recognize faster when they start to ‘Dom’ me in a discussion, and then respond more quickly to shift the focus of power.”
— S, NYC
Is this course right for me?
Have you ever...
…Been left feeling small or unsafe due to a sexually suggestive comment, but dismissed it because you weren’t completely sure of the intentions behind it?
…Entered a conversation wanting an apology, only to wind up apologizing yourself?
…Psyched yourself up to ask for something you wanted, but walked away with something entirely different?
…Expressed an idea, only to find yourself totally talked over and ignored... Before someone else casually took credit for it moments later.
These scenarios all follow similar communication patterns that can render a woman totally speechless.
Poof!
Voice… gone.
Power… gone.
Agency… gone.
And we see them time and time again in our classes.
The Verbal Self-Defense Dojo trains you to get off the spot, flip the attention and find your voice when you need it most.
.
"The Verbal Self-Defense Dojo changed the way I see myself and the power I have in my interactions with others. Step by step, I am feeling more in control of my life, leaving anxiety behind."
— V.
Watch Kasia introduce the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo
Featured in:
“I’m better able to control any negative emotional responses I might have to my co-workers’ actions that I used to perceive as attacks because I can better read their intentions.”
— Samantha Levin
Learning to break the Freeze isn’t just about avoiding bad things. It's about the beautiful things that never happen.
The brilliant ideas... never shared.
The life-changing conversations... never had.
The innovation of half the world's population… lost.
Hell no! We can’t have that!
Simply telling women to use our voices for collective power and influence isn’t enough.
Because it overlooks the tools we need to equip ourselves with first. To play powerfully with possibility, we first need to learn to play defense.
And these are the tools we teach in this course.
Throughout centuries, women have been deliberately trained to give away their power.
Now is the time for us to take it back.
It starts with liberating our voices. It starts with breaking the Freeze.
Break the Freeze, reclaim your voice and use it for good in the world.
In this practical, self-paced online training, you'll learn to…
GET YOURSELF OFF THE SPOT
Women have been conditioned to freeze or shut down at the very moments that are most crucial to our self-preservation. Learn the shockingly simple way we teach our students to end that pattern. Forever.
HANDLE UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTIONS POWERFULLY
Stop answering questions you should never be asked in the first place! Gain tools to smoothly deflect or reject those inappropriate questions and keep your power in a difficult conversation.
CUT THROUGH AMBIGUITY
Are you dealing with an aggressor or simply a klutz? Our strategies teach you to discern the intent behind an uncomfortable question or statement and deal with it accordingly. Simply identifying the dynamic at play is a powerful first step in reasserting yourself.
RESPOND WITH THE RIGHT INTENSITY
Never bring a knife to a gunfight. Know how to modulate the intensity of your response based on the intensity of the challenge or attack, so you’ll never get called ‘crazy’ for simply standing up for yourself.
FLIP THE POWER DYNAMIC
Learn techniques to free yourself from uncomfortable or inappropriate situations and get back on top. This is the first and only course to teach women how to get into the dominant state of attention without appearing aggressive, acquiescing or shutting down.
These simple but potent techniques can be used in countless ways. From boardroom meetings to family conflicts, dating and everyday micro-aggressions, use them to get off the spot in any communication where you feel powerless.
What’s included in the course?
• 17 pre-recorded videos (2.5 hours of video)
• Warm-up rounds and practice drills for each of the three tools
• 2 live demonstrations
Nobody else is teaching these three simple but incredibly powerful techniques to yield true power in any exchange.
But we are.
Tool 1: Turning the Spotlight
In turning the spotlight, you put your attention out. You get out of the Freeze state and get back on top, even if for just a moment, so you can plan your next move. In this module, learn and practice this simple tool in real-time using simulated Freeze situations.
Tool 2: Calibration
Now that you know how to flip a power dynamic and break the freeze, you can learn how to calibrate your response in each situation to create a different effect. Be assertive without being aggressive and move into a post-Freeze position of effective leadership.
Tool 3: Location
Are they deliberately trying to cause harm or are they just communicating clumsily and ineffectively? Location is a powerful tool to clarify ambiguous communication so you can make your next move. Clarifying the intent of your ‘attacker’ creates an opportunity for connection, not just confrontation.
“I now celebrate when I recognize the Freeze, rather than self-attacking myself for it. I’m also beginning to see how turning the spotlight is an opportunity for connection rather than confrontation.”
— C
Discounted rates are available for activists, employees of 501 (c) 3 not-for-profits and schools. Please send an email with proof of status (photo of your ID, or your work/school email) to receive a special discount code to [email protected].
Watch Kasia’s TED Talk on how to break the Freeze, reclaim your voice and use it to create a better world.
"The Verbal Self-Defense Dojo is life-changing. Even if I freeze, I can get out of it, and that gives me a confidence I never had before. The tools change your body language, and changing your body language changes everything."
— A.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo only for women?
People of all genders can find themselves rendered speechless in the face of inappropriate or shocking comments. However, through our extensive research at The Academy, we’ve found time and time again that women freeze far more than men. While this course was created specifically to help women find their voices instead of freezing in those moments, the skills covered in Verbal Self-Defense Dojo can be used by people of any gender, in a multitude of situations - from job interviews to shutting down cat calls.
Should I wait to take an in-person course instead of purchasing this one?
This course is not just theory. It includes numerous warm-ups and practice drills, allowing you to try out the tools we teach on the spot, in a non-pressurized environment. Verbal Self-Defense Dojo contains the foundational principles of power dynamics, and makes a great companion to any of Kasia’s in-person or live classes. Time and time again, we’ve seen that students who understand these foundational principles integrate the material of other classes faster, easier and share more victories.
"The Verbal Self-Defense Dojo is like a batting cage. The machine keeps spitting balls at you. And you learn how to hit the balls back, instead of getting pelted and bruised. I am eternally grateful to you for opening my eyes to invisible realms of communication."
— E.
Will this course teach me any physical self-defense?
No, this course focuses on powerful communication. It’s important to draw a distinction between freezing in a verbal interaction and freezing in the face of a physical attack. In the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo we provide tools to help our students practice for challenging verbal interactions they already anticipate, such as a workplace negotiation, a difficult family conversation or any communication pattern in which you tend to feel powerless. Become a martial-artist of language with real practice drills and warm-ups.
Do I need to take Verbal Self-Defense Dojo at a specific time?
Nope! This class is delivered asynchronously, which means you can start it whenever you want, at your own pace. We encourage you to repeat it as many times as possible, since practice is essential to the integration of these new skills.
Who can I practice my new skills with?
We strongly encourage all our students to share these techniques far and wide! We even suggest taking the course live with a group, so you can be inspired by each other’s creativity and cheer one another on in expanding your abilities to respond to situations that once might have left you at a loss for words.
How long should it take me to complete the course?
The full course lasts about four hours. You’ll have lifetime access to Verbal Self-Defense Dojo, so you can break it up according to your schedule. Many of these techniques fly directly in the face of the way we’ve been conditioned to respond to challenging social situations, so we encourage you to keep practising until they become second nature.
Can I teach these tools to my friends?
Please, please, talk to your friends about these tools. Our deepest desire is to have as many people as possible learn how to communicate clearly, and how to stop being frozen when we’re caught off guard. Imagine a world in which every woman is able to advocate for herself in the moment.
Cool! So can I share my login info with friends?
We’ve put a lot of time, thought and care into the Verbal Self-Defense Dojo, and we’re charging for it because we believe it has value for life. We ask that you respect the effort that went into the course and do not share it without permission.
Can I host a group training session?
If you’re interested in hosting a group session, contact us.